Friday, April 3, 2015

Good Friday

And Jesus said:  “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Springtime

In this here part of the country, it's pretty wet and dreary...green and lush but wet. 
Tis' springtime and the buds are starting to blossom and the grass is growing long. 
I like the spring but I LOVE the summer. The sun going down later and later each night makes me giddy. 
The kids are back at all their activities...piano, jazz, swimming, soccer, art...
It's a busy time in our lives. 
Days are being filled with park play, bike riding and street hockey. Oh joy!



Thursday, February 26, 2015

This boy.

This boy, was born on 
February 26th, 2008. 
The smallest of my three. He had jet black hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. 
He was perfection. 

This boy, was all over the place. Touching everything and getting into mischief.  He even plucked all the keys off the keyboard of our laptop.
Laughing now, crying then!

This boy, always had to keep up with big brother. Following him everywhere. Wherever big brother was, that's where he would be. 

This boy, too smart for his own good. Constantly asking questions. Curious about everything. Strong-willed and relentless. 

This boy, my most affectionate child. Full of kisses and hugs. Empathetic. Sensitive. Passionate. 

This boy, full of intensity. Boldness. Resiliency. 

This boy, unlike no other. Unique. Authentic. Mine. 

This boy, made in His image. Divine. Perfectly designed. 

This boy, has changed me more than I could have imagined. He is such a blessing in my life and I cannot imagine journeying life without him. 

My boy, Happy 7th Birthday!

All my love,
Mommy
xoxoxo









Thursday, February 12, 2015

I'm Feeling Better

January was a rough month. 
I lost my beloved Nonna. 
Then at the end of the month I fell ill and caught the flu. Coughing, aching, chills, fever...good times! 
I'm just starting to feel myself again. 
I'm gaining energy and my mood is brightening. 
I felt such dispair last month. I thought I'd never get out of my bed or off my couch. Stricken with grief and sickness, I just watched life pass me by.
I felt so much guilt for not participating in my kid's lives. I didn't take them to activities, I slept a lot. I hated them seeing me like that. 
I'm so thankful for my regained strength and fortitude. I'm now cooking, cleaning and teaching again. 
This is a good thing. 
Through darkness there is always light. 
Amidst sorrow there is joy. 
And during tears there is perpetual laughter. 




Friday, January 30, 2015

In Between

Sitting here at the park observing the new moms with their strollers and young chapped-cheeked toddlers; I feel a sense of not belonging. 
I'm in a new club. 
A club with older children. 
I don't need to bring the diaper bag or small finger food snacks...I can just up and go and not have a whole entourage of things to pack. 
This is a good thing. 
Though I miss the giggles and chubby fingers grasping onto the swing chains. I don't miss the constant chasing of running steps and frequent bathroom trips. 
I'm in a new chapter. 
My kids don't need me to follow their every step and coddle them as they climb the slide. I can sit on the bench and read a book and watch them from afar.  
This is nice also. 
But I do miss those old days too. 
My kids need more challenging aparatuses, spider webs, high slides and climbing walls. The days of small swings, teeter totters and rocking horses are over. 
My preteen sits beside me because he feels he's too old for the park. There are so many little ones and he's scared to topple them over. He brings his soccer ball. 
All he wants to do is kick the ball. 
Parks are different for us now. It's not that simple anymore. 
I'm in between. 


Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Life

Life is a funny thing...sometimes it can be  great, exciting and oh so good. But alas, there are times when it is hard and sorrowful and full of grief. 
Today, I experienced the latter. 
My dear Nonna passed away early this morning. We somehwhat expected it, but it struck us with intensity just the same. 
It's difficult to be grateful for a life fully lived at the ripe old age of 89 (90 in March)
and at the same time, stricken with sadness and emptiness at this great loss.
The memories that flood my mind as I sat on her bed today and looked through her things are overwhelming.  
She liked to keep stuff; I think that's where I get it from.  Keepsakes that have a story to tell, whether it be a chain of pearls, a rosary, a picture or a letter. So much rich history to relive and rejoice in. 
Learning more about the woman she was and things that mattered to her. It's all so beautiful yet bittersweet. 
I'm inundated with thoughts of, "did I do enough," "did she know how I felt about her," "did I ask her all the questions I needed to know." I guess I have to be accepting of what is. I cannot change anything. 
It's interesting that the things I will miss the most are the ordinary stuff. Calling her up and just saying hi a couple times a week. Picking her up to go to my Dad's for Sunday dinner. Her giving my kids a candy from her purse. Knowing that she's home watching the Canucks in the livingroom. These are the ordinary moments I will miss. 
I remember being a little girl and thinking how sad I was going to be if something ever happened to my Nonna and Nonno. And here I am at 37 yrs old, still in disbelief that they are both gone now. A chapter has closed. Life seems a little bit different today. 
It's not the same. 
Sometimes I cry so hard my eyes hurt, and then there times I am solemn and reflective and still. I suppose this is normal. It's walking through the grief and pain knowing I'll be happy again; I will feel joy once more. 
But it's oh so hard right now. 
I just want a little piece of her so I don't forget. A smell, a touch, a voice. 
I don't ever want to forget. 
Today is a sad day. 
I will miss her smile, her cooking, her quietness, her humour, her stubbornness. 
I will miss her. 
When I sleep tonight, I will dream that she is reunited with her true love. Together they will be dancing and laughing. 
I need to hold on to this during my periods of anguish. 
This is life. It's wearisome, tough and demanding, but oh so magnificent. 
Good-bye sweet Nonna. You'll be in my heart forever. 
Love your granddaughter,
Clara