Wednesday, June 29, 2016

It's been one month...

I can't believe I haven't touched your soft fur or kissed your sweet face for one whole month. My heart is so broken and the tears keep flowing. I catch myself laughing or being happy momentarily and then I think of you and I get sad. I'm sure as time passes these moments will be replaced with cherished memories but for now, my heart aches for you and I can't contain my despair. I pray you're fetching balls and running and swimming and eating all the mortadella you can. I pray you're happy baby girl cause you sure made us happy. Your presence in our lives was so grand. One month without you is unbearable. I miss you with every fiber of my being. I love you Roma...

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Till We Meet Again...

It's been 10 days since we had to say good-bye.  The day we dreaded for so many months finally came. It was an ordinary Sunday, full of tears, anguish, sadness and despair.  
It was time.  
Your body had grown so old, your eyes looked empty and your spirit was lost.  
You were ready.  
We weren't.  
I don't think you'll ever know how much you meant to us Baby Girl.  You were our baby. 
 Our little Snork.  
You brought so much joy and love into our hearts over these past 17 years.  
Pure bliss.
Life is hard without you.  Unbearable at times.  We still feel your presence in the home, we hope that never goes away.  I sometimes feel like you're in the next room, but you're not.  
I keep your collar close by; it still has your smell.  I'm glad.
There will never be another dog like you.  
You are irreplaceable.  
Our hearts are broken now that you are not here.  
The house is not the same.
I hope you're running and fetching balls and swimming and rolling in the grass as you once did.  
I pray.
Our memories of you will remain in our hearts forever.
Till we meet again Baby Girl...

Monday, April 25, 2016

We're nearing the end...

Today we watched some old home movies; from back in 2000. I couldn't help but notice my baby girl Roma in the robust and playful. Full of energy and mischief.
It's hard to believe we've been blessed with nearly 17 years with this beautiful girl. Quite a life for a Labrador Retriever. 
She's so ingrained in our lives that I don't know life without her. 
I had just turned 22 when we took her home; a baby myself. 
Waching these home movies, she's a fixture in them all. She is in the background either walking around or laying on the floor...she's everywhere.  The backdrop of our life.  
Her water bowl stands by our backdoor. Her bed tucks neatly near the living room wall. Her pee has stained our grass in the front yard.  Her hair relentlessly travels throughout the house.
What will we do when she's not here?
I'm dreading that day with every fiber of my being. 
I know it's drawing close. 
Her days are spent sleeping.
She walks with a distinct limp.
She wears a diaper. 
She's not the same dog we once knew. 
But are any of we, as we age? 
Am I the same as I was at 22? Of course not. 
I look different. I act different. I think different. I am different. 
We can expect no less of our pets as they age. 
We're lucky at times to get glimpse of the old Roma, especially when there's food around. 
She's definitely still a Lab. 
As the days creep closer to the inevitable end, I'm trying so hard to enjoy the now. 
Her eyes. Her soft fur. Her presence. 
God knows I'll miss her more than ever. 
Not too sure how I'll go on without her.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Why So Many Single People?

I have no idea why but there's been a pressing issue weighing on my mind. I've been thinking about this blog post for a couple of days, and contemplating if I should even write it. It may offend or strike a chord with some people. But I figured, this is my platform and my freedom to share my thoughts!
Here is the question: Why are there so many single people? And to add to that, why are people holding off on marriage and children? 
I feel it is a real epidemic...singletons. 
My theories are threefold:
First, I think chivalry has been lost in our society. Young men are just not being assertive and gentlemen-like.  Gone are the days of men wooing women and pursuing them in a noble fashion. With feminism being so up, front and centre, perhaps males are shying away or feeling inferior? My other thought is that they're not encouraged to be gallant anymore. They themselves were coddled and attended to and therefore don't have the courage or desire to be honourable towards the opposite sex. Instead of approaching a woman face to face...they're on their computer typing out their bio for a dating site or superficially judging a girl from her picture. What is going on? Do these young people have no social skills anymore? Breaking up via text? You can't get more impersonal than that.
My second idea is that young people are living in a very narcissistic age. With selfies and likes and duck lips etc... Everyone is focused on themselves. How could they possibly put someone ahead of themselves? Love is being selfless and I truly believe this generation lacks this. They don't know how to put their needs aside for someone else. This may be why so many relationships fail. What can you do for me is the ultimate question they ask of one another! 
My final premise is cohabitation has led to many couples deterring from commitment and ultimately marriage. If we don't get married then we have an easy out if things don't work. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? 
Gone are the days of a lady demure who would take nothing less than a ring on her finger before she would live with her partner. My grandmother was a prime example of this...she dated my grandfather for 7 long years while he was in the war. When he came to Canada and said for her to follow...she refused till he agreed to marry her. She would not leave her family or her country till she had the ultimate commitment; marriage. So they were married by proxy just prior to her arriving here. Now that's what I call feminism!  Expecting nothing less than to be treated like a lady. And she spent her life serving him whether it be cooking his meals or cleaning their home. She was selfless in her acts of love for him and he treated her like a queen! He always reminded me that she was his queen. And he worked hard for her in return. What great examples they were to all of us! 
I've promised myself to raise my boys to be gentlemen. To be strong, confident and capable men that will be able to provide for their future family. I will also raise my daughter to have self-confidence and to recognize when a man is being honourable and courteous.
These are just my thoughts and observations. My intention is not to offend anyone or to make anyone feel bad. We all have a freedom to choose what we want out of life and my hope is that we choose to serve others and remember marriage and family is a beautiful thing. Let's not forget that!

Thursday, February 25, 2016

A Letter to My Son...

Tomorrow you turn 8! EIGHT...I cannot believe that! 

I remember like it was yesterday, stroking your full black head of hair and gazing into your big blue eyes. 

These 8 years have been full.  Full of adventure and wonder and curiosity. You are my inquisitive one. You can't help but ask questions about EVERYTHING. Your tenaciousness is both tiring and admirable. 

You persist with such a drive. We always say you'll be a lawyer or gosh forbid a politician. 

You have the sweetest soul and the most affectionate heart; I love that about you. 

My prayer for you is to stay the kind boy that you are and always know that you are loved. 

Keep your empathy and love for others and never lose that spark that makes you who you are. 

I love you my sweet boy, to the moon and back! 

Your loving Mommy

Sunday, February 7, 2016

I'm Going to Have a Teenager!

In a few months (5 to be exact) I will have a teenager dwelling in our household.  
How did this happen???  
I remember like it was yesterday, my sweet baby boy singing "Twinkle, Twinkle", 
sipping on sippy cups and toddling his Pooh Bear around. 
 I think we've done a pretty good job, raising this boy of ours.  
He's kind, bright, athletic, compassionate and responsible.  
I do well with the young years.  
Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary years etc...  
I'm not so sure about the teenage years though. 
I'm scared. 
8 months pregnant with my first baby.
 This is unchartered territory and I'm terrified.  I've never done this before!  
The early years were easy.  
Read stories, play Lego, watch Treehouse, eat Cheerios... I could distract and prevent tantrums...
I could wipe away their tears and kiss "boo boos" better.  
Now, it's not so easy.  
There are hormones and pimples and independence and friends...  
I've always enjoyed having my children near me, hence my homeschooling them.  
I've never felt the need to be away from my children for long stretches at a time.  
It's just not who I am; I thrive when they are around.  
My baby at 2 weeks old.  Couldn't believe he was mine.
As my eldest is getting older, I can feel the shift to autonomy.  He doesn't want to listen to the same music as his siblings do.  He doesn't like the same TV shows they like.  He pulls away when his Mama wants to kiss or hold his hand in public...YES, I'm one of those moms!!!  There's an air of "coolness" about him.  His hair has to be done just right, his soccer boots have to be a certain brand name and he wants connectedness with peers.  
It's all normal and expected but oh so hard...for his Mama.  
5 years old.
I am savouring his cuddles, kisses and hugs...and willingness to talk to me in the quiet of the night when everyone is in bed.  
Just me and him.  
Him wanting to know about the world.  "Did you have a boyfriend in grade 7 Mom?" 
"When did you first kiss a boy?"  "How did you know you loved Daddy?"  
Lots of questions. 
 Lots of curiousness.  
It's fun but also scary at the same time.  
Do I answer with censorship or candidness?  
It's all so new. 
I'm lucky to have a deep, authentic relationship with my son.  
He feels comfortable asking me those uncomfortable questions.  
He wants to know EVERYTHING...and I mean EVERYTHING! 
I know one day when he is a grown man, I will look back on these days and wish I could go back.  
It's all so relative right?!  
I need to cherish these remaining years of him transitioning into the man he will ultimately be.  
My baby.  
My boy. 
 My son.
My 7th grader!
 I just love him so very much and am so amazed that I was chosen to be his Mama.  
We will charter these teenage years together...hand in hand...

whether he wants to hold it or not! LOL 


Monday, February 1, 2016

Happy February 1st!

Yay! February is here, which means January is over! Yippee! Closer and closer to spring!
These dreary days with rain pounding and grey clouds overcast can really damper my spirits. I sometimes think I was meant to live down south. But alas, Vancouver springtime and summer will remedy my winter blues. 
Our days have been ordinary but I like that. I like the routine and structure that the weekdays bring. Musical theatre, jazz, piano, soccer, art, swimming etc...they pull us in all directions but it's our normal and I feel drawn to it. 
I think at this time of year, homeschoolers often evaluate how their "school year" is going. Have we done enough? Should I do more? Should we drop this? Or start a new curriculum? Two of my kids are doing the FSA's (Foundations Skills Assessment) which is an assessment of a students' academic skills. I have until the 19th to administer the test to my 4th and 7th graders. 
We have a couple of field trips this
month: one to the VSO (Vancouver Symphony Orchestra) and the Nikkei National Museum & Cultural Centre (Japanese Canadian History and Culture). 
The spring will bring trips to the Greater Vancouver Zoo and Maplewood Farm. The field trip I'm most excited about is to SAINTS (Senior Animals in Need Today Society). It is a sanctuary for elderly and unwanted pets. My children and I have a soft spot for animals. We love all of them. Ultimately, I would like for us to volunteer at SAINTS once a month. 
Here are the websites for the above mentioned places: